'Grateful for the Courage to Change'

[Zainab_M]

 


This article, by Selma Cook, is based upon an interview with Ayesha Starkey, an Australian revert to Islam.


I was brought up in the Church of England, but my family and I only went to church on Christmas and Easter. When I was a teenager, I used to go to church alone because I had this yearning to be close to God and I felt peaceful when I prayed. I was searching for something more than just me and my reality.

I never believed that Jesus was the son of God — I always thought he was a prophet. Even though I had been taught differently, it just did not seem logical that God would have a son. I used to pray to God the Creator, not Jesus.

I stopped going to church because I used to get annoyed when they kept asking for money. The Church of England is the biggest landowner in England. I thought the money should go for charity, not to fix the church's financial problems.

Also at that time, there was the problem in northern Ireland. Catholics and Protestants were fighting and killing each other while calling themselves Christians. Each side would say it's doing the right thing. I had this continual feeling that there were so many things wrong around me.

Learning About Islam

I used to work as a secretary for a Muslim doctor, and we used to discuss religion. He would read to me in Arabic and then translate the meanings. I wanted to argue with him, so I bought a copy of the Qur'an in English from a secondhand shop. I did not know I could get one for free. Another secretary at the same doctor's clinic had joined the Salvation Army, and we also would argue about religion.

As I was reading and searching for points I could argue, I read in Surat  Al-An`am what can be translated as:

{Say: Truly, my prayer and my service of sacrifice, my life and my death, are (all) for Allah, the Cherisher of the Worlds.](Al-An`am 6:162)

When I read that verse, I sat and cried for about an hour. In these few words I had found the purpose of life. It sounded so nice, even in English. The more I read of the Qur'an, the more everything seemed so simple, so natural to understand.

I went to the small local masjid but found it shut. There was a contact number posted for anyone who wanted information. I phoned the number and a Pakistani man answered. He wasn't a scholar, just someone involved in da`wah (inviting people to Islam).He sent me pamphlets about the pillars of Islam. I read them in only one day and found that I desperately wanted more information. I told him I wanted to be a Muslim, so he came with his wife and they told me about the message of Islam and the basic things expected of me. After that the doctor and I discussed Islam instead of arguing!

Family Life

At that time, I was divorced and had two small sons. The boys used to visit their father, who wasn't a Muslim, and at that point I didn't want him to know that I had reverted. I had to keep it all a secret for some time.

The brother who brought me books about Islam called one day and asked me if I'd like to officially become a Muslim. I went to the same masjid again on a Sunday where there were a lot of sisters having a lesson. There was a sheikh there and he told me the basics of Islam, and I became a Muslim in front of many witnesses. There was a woman there who taught me to read Qur'an, and she readily answered any questions I had.

They started teaching the boys as well. After I had been a Muslim for a few months, I decided I would wear hijab and that I would tell everyone. I told my parents and the boys' dad. He thought it was a phase I was going through and that I would come back to my "normal" self soon. He did not say anything at first. I thought he was taking it well.

However, time passed and he saw that I was not going back to my old ways, so he started giving the boys beer and feeding them bacon and eggs. I told him about the masjid where he could go to get more information about Islam if he had any questions, but he only became more anti-Muslim.

After some time, he got really angry and applied for sole custody. Thanks to Allah, he did not get it. Since the day he was denied sole custody by the courts, he has not seen the boys. At the family court counseling, he told the counselor, "The kids are Australian!" as if they cannot be both Muslim and Australian at the same time.

Muslim Community

When I accepted Islam I thought the Muslims were all united and that there was just one Islam. That had appealed to me. But as I started to mix with Muslims more, I found that they had broken up into sects. However, I found that beneath all that human interference, the authentic sources are still there and you can find the answers to any question. I really believe sheikhs and scholars should give their fatwa and the evidence and then respect each other's opinions.

Even before becoming a Muslim, I found it impossible that anyone could think another human being was infallible. When I came to know that even Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) was not infallible, except for the revelation, it seemed right and normal, and in accordance with the fitrah (pure nature) of man.

My Personal Growth

I had always had the feeling that I was not good enough, and that left me with a huge vacuum inside. After I became a Muslim, I realized that it is normal to make mistakes and that Allah is forgiving, so I had hope to keep trying and improving.

I think it is really important that Muslims see one another as human beings who are fallible and on a journey of learning and growing. If we do not see each other like that, people might give up trying, especially if Muslims adopt a black-and-white approach to Islam and to life. This concept also applies to children: You need to give them hope that they can start a new page.

This is just one of the many beautiful things about Islam, but Muslims sometimes forget the humanness in one another and find it difficult to forgive. We should love people more than we hate the sin because people can change and Allah made us inclined to weakness. If we step away from people and do not interact with them, how can we help and advise them? Only Allah knows what we deserve.

I found that the more we learn about Islam, the more we realize how little we know and how little good we do. How then can someone, for example, wear hijab and look down on those who do not? Everyone is on a different level of understanding, and we do not know what good deeds Allah will accept from us because of our intentions.

It is important not to lose sight of the reason why we do things. We should not judge people according to their outward appearance or outward manifestations of practicing Islam. I am very grateful that when I became a Muslim, people took me just for who I am. 
One of the things I had to stop when I became a Muslim was drinking alcohol. Being a single parent and not having direction and meaning to my life led me to drink more and more alcohol. Also, before becoming a Muslim, the people I was mixing with used to drink a lot. It was normal to drink a couple of bottles of wine a night. When the time came for me to take Shahadah, I vowed I would never drink again, and I never did. Before that, I had been well on my way to becoming an alcoholic.

In the early days after I accepted Islam, even though friends sat with me coaxing me to drink, I refused. One time I was driving home with these friends from a journey. They had passed out in the car, but because I had not been drinking, I got to see a beautiful sunset. I remember thinking what a blessing it was. The others missed out on this blessing because they were drunk. I was so grateful to Allah that I had the courage to change my life for the better.

New Friends

I met new friends through the couple who had been teaching me and through the lessons I began attending. They took me to Tarawih Prayers and I started going to other classes.

The other women were wearing hijab, but no one told me I also had to wear it. I felt upset afterwards that people did not tell me everything that was expected of me as a Muslim. Were they afraid of telling me what I have to do as a Muslim because they thought I would run away? Sometimes people fail to understand that often new reverts want to do everything properly, so not telling them what is expected is a big drawback.

New Muslims are looking for something with structure and rules so they can change their life for the better. It is important to teach them and explain in a nice way without forcing and yet without neglecting the duty of telling them the truth.

Bringing Up My Boys in Islam

My boys were 4 and 6 years old when I became a Muslim. I honestly believe I have had things very easy. My boys have not caused me problems at all. No teenage rebellion, drugs, or any of the usual problems of being a teenager these days.

They grew up with guidelines and knowing about Allah the Almighty. I homeschooled them until they went to secondary school, and that gave them a good base. Islam became part of their character.

They did not have problems attending the local high school. They know who they are and have a strong sense of what is right and wrong. They do not mind being different. They prayed at school and they were part of a group that requested a prayer room. In Australia they give you what you ask for, but you won't get it if you do not ask.

Now after 15 years, they have a strong identity and so do I. Every good thing comes from Allah the Almighty


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