Message #14671

[Ruhi_Rose]

Walaykum Salam Sister Muslima

And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or (the captives) that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that ye will not do injustice.

And give unto the women (whom ye marry) free gift of their marriage portions; but if they of their own accord remit unto you a part thereof, then ye are welcome to absorb it (in your wealth).

Q: what about Some people those argue that this verse Quran 4.3-4 was revealed at the context of orphan’s girls, so it's restricted to  orphans mother's ?  it should not be taken in general situation ?

I agree with you 100% sis.   The verse states by the way of orphans but definitely the same standard of ethics applies in all cases.  That's a matter of common sense which many Muslims especially Muslim males don't apply only for the purpose of eluding some of the vital rules and in the process they distort the values of Allah.

We were in discussion where the sister was extremely against the polygamy and she were continuously to deny the permissibility of polygamy in Quran ,she was sticked to the point that it is only permissible to the orphan 's mother ?  we were totally unable to understand her logic now please help me . She said ! Polygamy only permitted with orphans mother no other personal reason ?

No, not just to the mothers of orphans.  It can apply in a number of other situations too .... but it must be genuinely deserving situations.   It is definitely applicable in the cases of single women and divorcees too.  I think that lady is following the interpretation of the Free Minds group or some other such school of thought who claim to be "Quran alone followers" but are actually trying to assimilate Islam with modern Western ideas and are brazenly misinterpreting Quranic Verses.

If a man wants to help a widow (or orphan's mother) by simply giving them some financial assistance as charity or zakat every month, that's fine.  In fact in most cases perhaps this would happen because an average married man neither has the financial means nor the romantic desire to take a second wife in today's world.   But in extraordinary cases he can, and he should have the conscience not to pursue it just for physical lust.

Talking of adopting orphans, I think that lady forgets that the Shariah laws have brought about so many bid'ah that it nowadays allows men to marry their adopted daughters which is clearly forbidden in the Quran. 

Q: In some cases, polygamy is a practical solution and a better alternative.Like When a man's wife suffers from a chronic disease and fails to respond to her husband's physical needs, Islam offers two alternatives, divorce or polygamy,also if  men doesn't want to divorce first wife for the seek of her welfare then  ? @ NOT EVERY WOMEN but  Many wives would prefer the second alternative, as it saves them the humiliation of being without any means of income, particularly if they have no jobs to support themselves ?

The same thing applies when it is proven that the wife is sterile and the husband wants to be a father he can divorce his wife or take another wife who can bear him children,it's up to first wife whether she wants divorce or accept it  ..And  some of women's /wives even seek  other women/wives for their husbands. If this is the case, then polygamy in this case would not be a problem, If the man can financially afford it and can provide a good quality life for both of his wives, and most importantly, can provide a good quality of education to his children.then it's fine ?

Yes, you're right, some such cases are settled by polygamy with the willing consent of the first wife.  In that case it's okay.  These are simple issues - either the woman decides to divorce him willingly because she has a problem or she allows him to marry someone else.  Also, if the man does not have the means to take a second wife and the first wife is unable to consummate their conjugal relations in a normal way, then divorce might be their only choice.  Again a matter of common sense.  It's a very subjective issue and the decision has to be taken depending upon the situation of every couple.

Q:Also welfare allowances, zakat is that all ?,what any needy women needs or deserve ? what about respect,status , emotions , love..  ?

You're right, in some of those exceptional cases where polygamy can be seen as a solution to the problem, it's supposed to provide security and respect to the woman.  If the man is financially stable and truly decent, it will provide both his wives with respect and social security.  But as we discussed earlier, majority of men do not follow the rules of ethics as carefully as Allah has commanded them to.  That's when problems begin to arise.

Also As compare to Quran teachings and so called modern world ,in western culture usually they don't prefer marriage at first place , second in west if women have such problems they(man) simply kicked her out or divorced the women ? isn't against the dignity of women ?

That's very correct.  In the West there is no choice other than divorce even though I'm sure that if they had two choices - divorce or being a co-wife - there are many women in the West as well who would choose being a co-wife.  After all there are many who are happy despite knowing that their husbands have steady girlfriends or mistresses. 

What I mean to say and asked who knows humans requirements , needs and circumstances better than Allah ? that's why verses does not restricted only to the widow is having children and she can't afford their expenses but Quran permitting polygamy ONLY for any legal requirements with strict restrictions ,on the other hand Quran also clearly Banning ploygamy from the point of view of lust and if any man try to manipulate it he must not forget Allah knows our intentions , the accountability on day of judgment should not be ignored by any men ......

Your view is absolutely right sis.  I really have nothing too new to add.  You have perceived and grasped the matter very accurately and logically.   I hope sooner or later that other lady is able to have a wider sense of assessment and then she might understand.  Most such folks do not try to study matters from a neutral view-point, rather they see it from their own personal standpoint.  That's why they go awry.

Like you, I'm also not an advocate of the institution of polygamy but neither would I want to judge it because every case is different.   And exactly for that reason the Noble Quran has not encouraged polygamy but has only kept it as a provision for exceptional cases .. and there can be several different types of exceptional cases.  It's not possible to make categories of them as so many unexpected things can happen in the lives of different people.

Allah bless.  Thanks again sister Muslima.