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Blood relationship comes before friendship (Al-Ahzab)

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Heba E. Husseyn
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« on: August 06, 2013, 02:08:57 am »

 

BismEm


"The Prophet is closer to the believers than their selves, and his wives are (as) their mothers. And the owners of kinship are closer one to another in the ordinance of Allah than (other) believers and the fugitives (who fled from Mecca), except that ye should do kindness to your friends. This is written in the Book (of nature)."  (33:6)  Surah Al-Ahzab.

After arriving in Medina, the Prophet (pbuh) had established the relationship of brotherhood between the Ansars (dwellers of Medina) and the Mohajireens (refugees or fugatives from Mecca).   This relationship was considered even closer than blood relationship.  But the revelation of V.33:6 abolished that concept.  Of course, the Prophet (pbuh) demonstrated this relationship of brotherhood between the people of Medina and the fugitives of Mecca with the best of intent and good-will, so that co-operation and social unity could be achieved to the highest.  However, Allah abolished such practice at an official level.  Probably, it might have been because this step could be misused by some people and with the passage of time could become a reason for diminishing family values. 

This is a very important reminder today.  As family values vanish and young people nowadays seem to be spending more time with friends than their families, they often eventually end up becoming closer to friends than to families.  Individuals inclined to such a drift need to be careful.  They need to think rationally and correct themselves.  The correction involves the realization that in times of trials and tribulations when you're in need of support - be it practical or moral - the most likely source from where you'll get that unconditional support will be your family rather than friends.  This doesn't mean friends cannot be loyal.  Neither does it mean our behavior toward friends should be any less respectful and affectionate than with family.  But keeping in mind the aspect of prioritizing, family must be our first priority.  While being kind to friends is incumbent upon us as stated in the V.33:6, at the same time we must know that there's no point in showering kindness and generosity on friends while our families remain neglected and starved of our company.  Charity is important, and charity begins at home.

Related post:  Severing ties with relatives


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Zainab_M
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« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2013, 02:41:40 am »

Thanks for this reminder sis.  Just a few days ago I was talking to a family friend and though he pretends to be an enthusiastic Muslim, he was saying to the effect that people who have substantial money shouldn't write a will but should keep spending on the poor who aren't related to them.  Of course giving to the poor is important but you can't overrule your own folks and neither should you give away too much to outsiders so that you end up depriving your own family.  But he was completely oblivious of it.  Some people are in a hurry to call themselves Muslims even before they've read and understood the basics of the Noble Quran.

However, I would mention one thing.  Often nowadays members of extended family can be awfully envious and competitive.  That ruins the atmosphere of warmth and affection from relative to relative.  It wasn't like this until a few decades ago, but at present the trend is that immediate families form their own units, which is very good, but they see the family units of extended families as rivals in wealth, career and happiness.  This is creating a lot of problems, causing a lot of jealousy, secrecy and extended families are getting pulled apart.  It soon becomes a vicious cycle.  Obviously if some relative behaves with you like a bum, you can take it only so far.  Afterwards you are left with no choice but to write them off and quit meeting them.  Therefore, the idea of family and extended family unity needs to have a very mutual foundation.  You're absolutely right in stating that every member must know their place and their responsibilities.  A single slip by a freak ass-hat can cause far-reaching ill will.
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« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2013, 02:43:22 am »

I think I gotta clear up the cookies and cache.  I put up a post and it comes in someone else's name ....... don't know what the heck is going on.
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Heba E. Husseyn
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« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2013, 02:52:20 am »

Thanks for this reminder sis.  Just a few days ago I was talking to a family friend and though he pretends to be an enthusiastic Muslim, he was saying to the effect that people who have substantial money shouldn't write a will but should keep spending on the poor who aren't related to them.  Of course giving to the poor is important but you can't overrule your own folks and neither should you give away too much to outsiders so that you end up depriving your own family.  But he was completely oblivious of it.  Some people are in a hurry to call themselves Muslims even before they've read and understood the basics of the Noble Quran.

However, I would mention one thing.  Often nowadays members of extended family can be awfully envious and competitive.  That ruins the atmosphere of warmth and affection from relative to relative.  It wasn't like this until a few decades ago, but at present the trend is that immediate families form their own units, which is very good, but they see the family units of extended families as rivals in wealth, career and happiness.  This is creating a lot of problems, causing a lot of jealousy, secrecy and extended families are getting pulled apart.  It soon becomes a vicious cycle.  Obviously if some relative behaves with you like a bum, you can take it only so far.  Afterwards you are left with no choice but to write them off and quit meeting them.  Therefore, the idea of family and extended family unity needs to have a very mutual foundation.  You're absolutely right in stating that every member must know their place and their responsibilities.  A single slip by a freak ass-hat can cause far-reaching ill will.


You said it spot on sis.   This is a delicate issue and not all are able to understand it in its correct perspective.  I don't know how that brother could say to give away all of one's assets to the unrelated needy .. unless one doesn't have any family heirs at all.  I also agree that the problems involving extended family, that is, cousins, aunts, uncles etc.  can be really complicated.  Some are outright jerks.  Some keep changing their colors - sometimes they behave okay, sometimes like evil farts  Grin   Some just cannot take the hint that you dislike their jealousy and braggartry and they just go on and on with their shit.  In such cases we don't need to squeeze ourselves through the ordeal of suffering their company.  The best thing is to quietly keep away.  No doubt it takes two to tango.  Just as we need to understand the importance of being good to them, so must they.  But unfortunately most people, which includes both extended family and friends, want to ride on a one-way road.  They're oblivious to their own bullshit but if you throw it back on them, they never fail to take note.
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« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2013, 02:53:42 am »

I think I gotta clear up the cookies and cache.  I put up a post and it comes in someone else's name ....... don't know what the heck is going on.

It happened again?  It once happened with me a year ago or more.  Clearing up the browsing history really helps .. though I don't know how such an error happens in the first place.
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« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2013, 02:59:09 am »


   I also agree that the problems involving extended family, that is, cousins, aunts, uncles etc.  can be really complicated.  Some are outright jerks.  Some keep changing their colors - sometimes they behave okay, sometimes like evil farts  Grin   Some just cannot take the hint that you dislike their jealousy and braggartry and they just go on and on with their shit.  In such cases we don't need to squeeze ourselves through the ordeal of suffering their company.  The best thing is to quietly keep away.  No doubt it takes two to tango.  Just as we need to understand the importance of being good to them, so must they.  But unfortunately most people, which includes both extended family and friends, want to ride on a one-way road.  They're oblivious to their own bullshit but if you throw it back on them, they never fail to take note.

lol ,, very true .....   Cheesy   couldn't agree more.
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« Reply #6 on: August 06, 2013, 03:00:52 am »


It happened again?  It once happened with me a year ago or more.  Clearing up the browsing history really helps .. though I don't know how such an error happens in the first place.

hummm, it did just now.  I did some clearing up and it seems better now. 
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