Message #17450

[Heba E. Husseyn]

As-Salam Alaikum folks.   Sabah-al-khair. 

I read these stone-shit cleaner ahadith long ago.   By and large, hardly anyone in the Muslim world cares for this gross hadith.  Those "pathans" must be really archaic.

If anyone can give some info on medieval European asswipes, would be interesting to compare with hadith.

You bet I got enough info on that.  It's a separate line of history by itself and actually much worse than hadith.  Could put Bukhari and Abu Hurairah into the shade.

Here's a wrap up.  But before I begin, let me reiterate by quoting brother TS .. "If you read it after having your dinner, you'll puke.  If you read it before dinner, you won't feel fit enough to eat "   

In 18th century UK, people commonly used oyster shells for anal cleaning which were available in huge numbers as they were cheap and eaten all over the place.

Upper class used rags.  In many manor homes of "nobles" left over rags (often called scraps of textiles to sound more dignified) were collected and stored as asswipes.  The very rich ones like Victoria and her clan reportedly used wool.

In the absence of any substitute for an asswipe, the common people grabbed whatever they could.

Then came the Roman toilets.  Not sure if they used wooden toilets, probably they did.  Well, these wooden "toilets" were basically wooden crates with a hole.  By the side of the 'toilet' there would be a water bucket filled with water.  A piece of cloth or rag would be wrapped over the end of a stick and kept dipped into the water bucket.  Whoever finished their shit would then pick up the stick, clean the ass with the rag around it and then put the stick back into the same bucket.  Hey guys, I'm gonna vomit.

Some reports speak of a post-shitting European practice of dragging their bare ass on the grass like doggies.  It cleans doggies okay as their rears are structured differently.  When ancient and medieval Europeans tugged their bare ass on the grass, shit still remained smeared inside the butt cheeks.  Thus, reports say later they devised the practice of  sitting on the grass, stretching their butt cheeks with their hands and dragging themselves.  It wasn't easy.  They often lost their balance and toppled sideways.   This is kinda three-in-one .... sickening, nauseous as well as hilarious 

In medieval and ancient eastern Europe, wooden toilets (crate with a hole) were often placed outdoor in the countrysides.  People shat here, then used either large leaves or bundled up grass blades or dried corn cobs to do the ass.  Unspeakably gross, ha?  I'm sure ass-cuts with grass blades weren't uncommon.   They say hemp leaves were the most popular asswipes for outdoor toilets.

In winter if there was accumulated snow on the ground, shitters on outdoor toilets would pick up handfuls of snow, squeeze it into ice packs and roll it over their assholes.  That's the closest they got to using water.

There was virtually no sewerage system in Victorian Europe, including London.  In London for example, all shit was eventually emptied into the river Thames.  All homes and offices nearby including the Parliament needed special windows to keep the stench out.  After enduring many such stomach turning stinky centuries, they one day decided to improve shit drainage by putting up a mammoth shit passing pipe which they named "prince of wales."  It was Vicky's pride that this massive shit pump was named after the heir of the throne who purportedly participated in the opening ceremony of the new history of shit in Britain.

And of course no one ever washed their hands after shitting and ass cleaning.  Many westerners even today after scrubbing with a dry tissue don't wash their hands.  Yes, true.

The idea of using paper as asswipe came as late as end 1800s and the quality was fourth rate at best.  Some types could cause paper cuts in the ass and such incidents weren't uncommon.

Butt cleaning was only a part of the problem.  Disposing of the shit prior to the construction and placement of the massive shit pump was just as spine chilling.  From the windows and balconies of their homes, people generally threw the shit like discus onto the streets and bylanes.  Any surprise why the Brits never went out without an umbrella even on a pleasantly sunny day?  Yep, balconies had many more uses than the fantasy 'romeo n juliet' type a rendezvous.  In failed attempts to dispose of the crap, walls of most public structures including churches were often seen smeared with feces.
 
The Catholic Church was dead against washing and bathing.  They said the sweet fragrance of cleanliness triggered lust in the minds of men and women.  This is exactly the aspect picked up by hadith in banning perfume for women.  They say that the culture of "exquisite" perfumes began from France because that was the only way out to block the foul odor that built up and emanated from the costly taffeta long skirts and satin tuxedos of aristocratic women and men.  The culture of brides carrying small flower bouquets (or nosegays) was a necessity to suppress the fecal odor from clothes.

Yeah folks, that was medieval European shit history ..... in brief.