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Premarital relationships among Muslim youths


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N. Truth Seeker
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« on: May 16, 2007, 01:05:47 am »

By  Fatin Khairallah

Fatin Khairallah is a social worker for Muslim Youth Social Services (MYSS), which is located in northern and central New Jersey, USA.



"I wish I could, I wish I could. If only I could go back in time and rethink before committing that terrible act. I have sinned. What have I done! No one will ever accept me again."

This is what repeats itself over and over in the mind of youths who have indulged in the faded pleasure of having a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. As much as we warn youths about what these relationships will lead to, the only whispers they seem to hear are those of Satan glamorizing and beautifying the sinful acts. Little do they know that committing these acts will later destroy their peace of mind and perhaps their lives.

Many youths seem to live in total darkness of the fact that Allah Almighty made this kind of relationship haram for our own good and protection. However, unfortunately, our souls sometimes cling to desires and chase after the pleasures of this worldly life, leaving us with unclear vision and susceptible to being led astray.

Why do we allow this to happen? Why is it hard to understand that Satan is in control of our soul only by complete permission from us? It would save us from so much pain and turmoil if we could only think of the consequences of sinful behavior. If only we took the time to think, we would steer a course to success. We should not forget the reminders that Allah the Almighty gives us, and that He is always watching. We should also remember that the outcome of sinful behavior is always destructive.

Pregnancies outside of marriage are on the rise within our very own Muslim communities. Yet many Muslims prefer to live in denial, overlooking these tragedies that are consuming the lives of our youth. Many feel that this could never happen to Muslims because, according to them, the mere label of being Muslim is protection enough.

This is the heart of the problem. What leads our youth to fall prey to their desires and find themselves involved in dating relationships just to be known as "cool"? Where are the parents and community members to provide them with halal alternatives or to show them the beauty of the Islamic lifestyle for people their age? We need a solution.

Yes, we can keep saying to ourselves "this could have been avoided, why did it have to happen?" But now what do we do for those who have already got involved in this kind of relationship? Do we shut them in the dark, shun them from society, allow them to linger and mope in their sorrow? From my experience as a social worker, I see that most imams and Muslim community leaders today do not even want to be bothered with these situations. We social workers have even been advised not to handle these issues because they fall under Islamic jurisprudence and we should stay away. Even though people say this, they offer no temporary or final solutions. So where do we turn and to whom?

This is another tragedy and hardship for teens, especially for those who want to get help. They long for an avenue toward healing, toward repentance and acceptance in society. However, when their Muslim brothers and sisters do not even want to speak to them or about them, they feel rejected and this may be the very thing that forces them to delve into greater sin.

Allah Almighty's mercy is endless, so we have to remember that we will be held accountable for keeping these youths in the dark by failing to remind them that the door of repentance is open. Are we that hard-hearted that we cannot even find it in our hearts to show some compassion and mercy toward them when we know our Lord Whose names include Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim? Many of these youths were unaware, having never been given the proper upbringing to take responsibility for their actions and to beware of the sinful paths surrounding them.

Now that they know, now that they have learned the hard way, it is our job to help bring them back to Allah Almighty: to teach them about repentance and provide them with information about Islam; to show them the path no one ever showed or even offered them the path of worship of Allah Almighty and life lived in accordance with the Qur'an and Sunnah.

In sha' Allah, they will taste the sweetness of faith that their hearts longed for so much earlier in life. However, for this we need parents, teachers, and especially Muslim community members to fully support social services and Islamic education for these youths. These resources are now openly available for our youth. There are even social services just for Muslim teens.

Most importantly, we must educate our youth and our parents about the realities that surround us. Without awareness, there can be no prevention. Through Islamic education increasing awareness of the problematic lifestyles of today's average youth, learning about solutions and alternatives choices we can protect and strengthen ourselves. May Allah Almighty protect all our youth from sins and the whispers of Satan, and may He raise our youth to be righteous leaders of our Ummah as guides to the straight path. Ameen.



From:  'Youth for the Future' - IOL
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Zeynab
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« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2007, 01:23:39 am »

This is a good article.  Contains some vital points.  Thanks for putting it up, brother.  Such stories are getting increasingly common.  It's truly worrisome.  May Allah Almighty guide Muslim youth so that they are able to confront Satan when he tries to tempt them.   
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« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2007, 01:06:23 am »

I think, to start with, what's most important is to educate the educators.  I don't mean the parents but those imams and 'scholars' who have the same status in today's 'Islam' as priests and bishops have in the Catholic church.  When our Muslim parents find their kids deviating from their culture, they at once run to their community imams for advise.  Most (not all, but most) imams and 'scholars' who act as the 'best advisers' set rules for the youth that are not just unnecessarily rigid but often far too complicated for practical application.  The moment you talk to them, it's just "don't do that" and "don't do this" .. to the extent that their local fatwas turn many Halal acts into haram.  Many Muslim youth are made to feel guilty even while indulging in the most simple pleasures of life e.g. attending birthday parties (because some nutty salafis say celebrating birthday is haram), playing musical chair, singing songs or participating in folk dances in family get-togethers etc.  Such controlling tactics sometimes snaps the patience of some youngsters.  And when that happens, their elders make even lesser effort to understand them except for the usual accusations and condemnations about following the path of Satan. 

Therefore, first, the parents should try to interact and help their children as much as possible instead of constantly running to the imams for advise.  Secondly, no doubt it's important to give the youth proper guidelines, but such rules should be balanced and practical by wisely discerning between Halal and haram enjoyments. 
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« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2014, 09:01:51 am »

True sis.
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« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2014, 11:26:04 am »

Very correctly said Sister Heba. 

May Allah, The Most Exalted, help our Ummah of all ages - young and old.  None of them seem to be handling matters the right and rational way.  May Allah bring them to the Quran alone without looking at other sources which is the only thing that can help.
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