Can lovers meet in Jannah?

[Ruhi_Rose]

For how long did you two meet and talk, if I may ask?

[Yasmeena S.]

About 2 yrs or little more, 2 yrs and 3 or 4 months, more accurately.  We met at the community centre of one of our big mosques at an event. That time he with his family were new immigrants.  We have been here since longer than them.  He, his siblings and parents were quite lonely.  His dad also suffered a heart attack.  He and his older brother wanted to learn English better.  They joined ESL classes.   I helped him a lot with English as a second language for which he was grateful.

[Ruhi_Rose]

I see.  Seems like back then he needed your company.  Now he has found his bearings, chalked out his future plans, is busy visiting foreign mosques, he feels his hands are full, and can say goodbye to you.  Not difficult to gauge, he has sketched out everything to suit himself with little or no thought of you. He will have to answer to Allah for this.  Keeping a relationship Halal doesn’t only mean to avoid physical relations. Avoiding that is of course first and foremost. It also includes honesty and openness toward each other, not abandoning the other person in the lurch looking for answers.  Let’s take a look at the Noble Quran for guidelines.

The Quran tells the Prophet (pbuh) in V.129 of Surah An-Nissa, “You will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much you wish (to do so). But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense.”  4:129.   This principle has to be applied in all Halal relations as well, whether it’s marriage or engagement (official or unofficial) or a business deal or a promise to a neighbor or a colleague etc. whatever.  Unfortunately some people who are Hifz presume they fulfilled all of their responsibilities and Allah has now granted them a blank cheque to to lead their lives.  That’s a complete misunderstanding.  Allah is constantly watching and everyone is expected to follow His rules contained in the Quran.  Memorizing it does not exonerate them if they don't abide by its rules.

[Yasmeena S.]

I totally agree with your perspective.

[falcon trainer]

Maybe he felt he can’t afford dowry which every Muslim man must give to his wife on marriage.

[Raha Zaki]

He is traveling to other parts of world visiting other mosques, that doesn’t cost money?  And then he can’t give dowry?

[N. Truth Seeker]

If he genuinely does not have the means to give dowry, he should say it.  It's  nothing to feel ashamed about.  Considering there is no fixed amount for dowry neither in cash nor kind, every man can arrange a dowry according to their means, that should not be an issue unless the future wife or her family insist on a specific amount.   That is seldom or never the case in a love marriage.  It’s almost always negotiated to the ease of both sides especially in case of a love marriage. 

[Yasmeena S.]

I raised that point as it occurred to me immediately when he declined marriage.  I told him I don’t care for dowry, let it be waived. He was quite dismissive about it and said that was not the problem. I don’t know what he had in mind on that issue, but from my side I made it clear I don’t want it, that I just want him and to be his wife.

[Heba E. Husseyn]

To be honest, I don’t understand his reason for quitting.  Age and ethnicity certainly cannot be seen as a cause if he is a sincere and sensible Muslim, and truly cares for you.  Parents are old and he needs to focus on them .. well that’s the duty of all adults.  I don’t see why that should obstruct his plans for marriage.  Moreover, didn’t he know this before that his parents are old and frail?  Then why did he start a friendship extending for over 2 years with the purpose of a future marriage, gaining your deep love, trust and confidence and then walking away by saying he will never love anyone like you, leaving you wondering what to make of it?   This isn’t the undertaking of an honorable man.  Seems more like a breezy guy too unempathetic to think of others’ except by uttering a few flattering words.  That reference of V.4:129 from Surah An Nissa on leaving someone in suspense is very apt in your situation.  This ethical value should be remembered by all, not only towards their spouses, but also towards other close ones, particularly towards a woman whom a man led to believe would be his future wife.

[Khurrum, enemy of liars]

Excuse me, I think that guy is a bitch.  He is not being honest.  What does he mean that his parents are aging and he has to focus on them?  What has that got to do with his marriage, or is he waiting for his parents to die and then get married?  Getting married won’t prohibit him from caring for his parents.  As you said he is 29, that is not too early an age for marriage. It’s the right age for marriage.  If he doesn’t get married at 29 then when, at 59?  He knew you for more than 2 yrs, he had enough time to tell you he does not intend marriage, which he should have said in the first 2 months. But he didn’t because at that time he needed the benefits of your company in a new country so he dragged the relationship for 2 plus years for nothing except his own convenience.

My humble advice to you sister:  Lead a Halal life as MV advised, and pray to Allah to meet all good people you know in Jannah, except this guy;  he smells questionable.

[N. Truth Seeker]

😅

Your points are perfectly valid.

[ukhti naz]

I also think he’s a bitch, bloody time waster disrupting the lives of people.   I don’t know how he will run his own mosque. If he delivers a khutbah, he will say the opposite of what he himself does.  May Allah grant him guidance before he starts running his own mosque or else I don’t know what the heck he’s gonna teach.

[misty sky]

Quoting the author “Some also made me feel it’s Haram to fall in love.” 

Did someone say that?   If so then please share what they said.

[Yasmeena S.]

They said responsibility of arranging marriages should be left on the elders of the family, they will consult with you.  Otherwise  love marriages leave a door open for the possibility to committing Haram.

[misty sky]

who agrees with that?