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A wife's emotional neglect


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Zeynab
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« on: October 08, 2006, 04:19:10 am »

An unhappily married sister put the following question to the scholars of Islamonline.net.  The intelligent and sympathetic response by the enlightened scholar was worth sharing.  It highlights some very important points that many Muslim husbands often neglect. 
 

Question:

We live about 10 minutes driving distance from the mosque. But whenever my husband decides to go to the prayer, he is usually gone for about an hour. The rest of the day he is at work. I spend most of the time alone up until after `Isha'. I keep telling him that I need to feel the bond of marriage more than this. He knows I am not feeling too well lately, and now mentally this is taking its toll on me. However, he feels there is nothing he can do about this since he has to pray in congregation. What is your advice to solve this problem? For some reason, I doubt that this was the intent of the Shari`ah for the family. I guess either way one of us feels guilty. What is the right thing to do?
 

Answer by Dr. Sano Koutoub Moustapha

Every Muslim husband is ordered by Islam to treat his wife gently and kindly. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "The best among you are the ones who are best to their wives."  In addition, there is a special consideration to the relationship between the spouses, as Allah says: (And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect) (Ar-Rum 30:21).
With the question in mind, we do call upon the husband to spend more time with his wife and to pray some of his prayers in congregation with her and his children.

Responding to the question, Dr. Sano Koutoub Moustapha, professor of jurisprudence and its principles at the International Islamic University, Malaysia, states the following:

Thank you for your kind question. May Allah bless you and your beloved husband.

Surely congregational prayer is strongly recommended for both males and females. Some scholars do consider it a communal obligation or fard kifayah. Yet, it is definitely an obligation upon husbands to give the rights to their spouses, especially in responding to their emotional and psychological needs, such as spending time with them. In this context, I call upon your beloved husband to spend more time with you and to avoid staying longer in the mosque after praying.

Since prayers take only 10 to 15 minutes, there is therefore no reason for spending hours at the mosque after prayer. Spending time at the mosque is considered optional or recommended; while staying and spending time with the spouse is considered an obligation.

Based on this, I remind your beloved husband that in Islam, obligations come first. In other words, spending enough time with you is considered an obligation upon him. Therefore, he has to refrain from spending longer time outside the house, especially after prayers. Furthermore, there is no harm or prohibition for him to perform some of his prayers with you at home. Thus if you pray together, this prayer is actually considered as a congregational prayer, especially when you have children who can join you in congregational prayer.

Finally, your husband is also advised to bring you along with him to the mosque in order for you to be able to gain the rewards of the congregational prayer. It is very unfortunate that some Muslims nowadays have decided to exclude Muslim women from congregational prayer while at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) Muslim women were attending all congregational prayers, especially Fajr Prayer, regardless of the darkness of the night.

 
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Heba E. Husseyn
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« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2006, 12:20:21 am »

Excellent councelling by dr. s. mostopha.

there r so many damn husbands who need to know this.
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Zeynab
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« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2006, 01:23:32 am »

there r so many damn husbands who need to know this.

 teethsmile  you bet!  
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